Fun With Album Covers

My last post of the year! I hope you all have a spectacular New Years! Mine will be spent at a friend's house, just a small group (with kids) playing games.

I love these photos! I'd marry them... for a short period of time with a pre-nup.

Publishing Predictions for 2011

Publishing Predictions for 2011 from Richard Curtis
by Jeff Rivera on December 27, 2010 4:23 PM

1. Google Editions will be a game-changer in the e-book field
2. There will be at least one shocking merger or acquisition of print publishers or of print and e-book publishers
3. The Big Six publishers will raise their current royalty rate over the standard 25% they currently offer
4. Educators, psychologists and parents will report learning and retention problems for children reading on screens.
5. College students will reject e-textbooks in favor of paper ones
6. Print on demand will grow in stature as the preferred retail model, and traditional bookstore distribution based on returnability will continue to falter
7. We will begin to see e-book kiosks in bookstores and possibly in non-bookstores
8. Children’s, middle reader and young adult titles will dominate the trade book field
9. Authors will go on virtual book tours and attend virtual publishing conferences without leaving home
10. More and more books published by small presses you never heard of; and more niche publishing as e-book publishers discover they can make money publishing books for small, special audiences.

************************************************************************

And there’s still time to submit your ONE GOAL for 2011. No goal is too small or too general. Go here if you’d like to be a part of history.

http://brian-ohio.livejournal.com/257100.html

You can accomplish this goal anytime during the year, during jonowrimo, NANO, grapemo… whenever. Check ins will occur on March 21st, June 21st, September 21st and December 21st.

Combining/Manipulating Words

I've noticed lately, that the news people have been combining and manipulating words to form new words for their reports. I thought that sort of thing was only used by fiction writers. Words like...

Sharting - When you thought you were only going to fart, but ended up sh%ting in your pants.

Bromance - Two platonic guy friends hanging out.

Manstrating - The monthly male cycle.

Just this week I heard words like this on the radio during the news report. Words like...

E-lationship - A relationship that exists solely through emails

Hacktivist - An activist who shows his displeasure by hacking into websites.

Can you think of any others. I find these words fascinating!!!

Gorgeous

I saw these pictures on the news this morning.

This is a lighthouse along the shores of Lake Erie during the summer.



Here is that same lighthouse right now.

Still One of My Favorites!!!!

Where Do Ice Cream Cones come from?

Friday Five - Getting Ready for the Holidays!!!

1.) First I get out those comfy socks I just love to wear when it gets cold.

 (Notice I just shaved!)

2.) We string up some outdoor decorations. I don't like it gaudy, so we keep it simple



3. Next we put up the tree!!



4. Throw on a little Christmas Music



5. Break out the sweater my brother made for me last Christmas***



***My brother not only makes Christmas Sweaters, he's a professional Christmas Sweater Model. Here's the most recent shot from his portfolio, for those interested.

She MUST take after her mother!

I was driving my 13 year old daughter to her drum lesson last night. I missed the teacher's house, so I pulled down a side street to turn around. There was a sign on the side of this narrow road. I'm sure you've seen it before...



My daughter asks me, "What's that sign mean?"

Shocked, I ask her, "What do you think it means?"

With a straight face, she responds, "There's no electricity."

This can't be MY daughter!

Scholastic Names Trends in Children's Books for 2010

1. The expanding Young Adult audience
2. The year of dystopian fiction
3. Mythology-based fantasy (Percy Jackson followed by series like The Kane Chronicles, Lost Heroes of Olympus and Goddess Girls)
4. Multimedia series (The 39 Clues, Skeleton Creek, The Search for WondLa)
5. A focus on popular characters - from all media
6. The shift to 25 to 30 percent fewer new picture books, with characters like Pinkalicious, Splat Cat and Brown Bear, Brown Bear showing up in Beginning Reader books
7. The return to humor
8. The rise of the diary and journal format (The Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dear Dumb Diary, Dork Diaries, The Popularity Papers, and Big Nate)
9. Special-needs protagonists
10. Paranormal romance beyond vampires (Linger and Linger, Beautiful Creatures, Immortal, and Prophesy of the Sisters)

Vampires

I still enjoy a good vampire story. I do. THE PASSAGE, for example, was great.

But... if vampires ever "jumped the shark", as they say, it was probably right after this moment in history.

Charles Dickens and Goodyear Tires

It's been a busy, busy weekend. Fun, hectic, crazy, tiring.

Anyway, last night I took the family (+ two boys for my 16 year old daughters) to Stan Hywett Hall here in Akron Ohio. If you're not aware, Stan Hywett Hall is the former house of Frank Seiberling, the founder of Goodyear Coorporation. It's a huge house and grounds that they decorate for Christmas.

  

   


What I didn't know was that Charles Goodyear (who invented volcanized rubber and who the Goodyear Corporation is named after) was a friend of Charles Dickens. And a collector of prized first editions of the author.

While we toured the house, they had several signed first editions by Charles Dickens displayed for viewing, including A Christmas Carol.





People kept staring at me while I sort of went nuts when I saw them. So cool!!!!

What is Voice?

I've heard more than my share of editors stating that it's 'voice' that really makes the sale. Voice, voice, voice.

At the SCBWI Conference I attended i September, Scholastic Editor, Jennifer Rees said, "For me it's all about the writer's voice and the beauty and uniqueness of their language and the characters. A writer's voice should be compelling, genuine, strong and unique.  I come across lots of stories that are functional - the characters are drawn just fine, the plot elements are all in place - but the story lacks voice and spirit. These are the stories I think, 'Well, this was decent.' But somehow, inside, I feel as if I've been let down because I know it's not great stuff, it's not exciting - it didn't speak to me as a reader. With great voice we can fix plot."

From what I can piece together, Voice is a combination of...

1.) words
2.) language
3.) spirit
4.) punctuation
5.) grammar
6.) narrative elements (Characters, Setting, Plot)
7.) longevity (the story remains in readers mind)

A Voice should be...

1.) Distinctive
2.) Fresh
3.) the glue that holds it all together
4.) the author's stamp
5.) You
6.) Magic

Voice controls....

1.) Mood
2.) Emotions
3.) Pace
4.) Structure

When you look at those lists, you wonder how a writer can have a unique voice. Then again, all writers use the EXACT basic tools. Words.

How does one writer manipulate the same words that we all have at our disposal, but make them their own, creating a distinct voice? That's what I'm always trying to figure out. That's what I look at when I'm reading a new book.

I've been told that I have a voice, but when I'm editing my manuscripts, I'm always worried that I might be cutting out my voice. You know? Can a writer actually edited his/her novel to the point where their authorial stamp disappears?

Anyway, I kind of posted this for my own sake, trying to pinpoint what, exactly, is a writer's VOICE. If you have any thoughts to add, please do.

A Few Tips To Cut Down Your Word Count

 
So I've had this manuscript of mine critiqued by  ,   and   (Jeannine Garsee). They've all been an incredible help in making this book something legible. Maybe even worth reading.

Jen and I spent the afternoon at Borders the other day, and we both said that critiquing someone else's work is a GREAT way to improve your OWN writing. For some reason it's easier to spot the redundancies of words, grammar and punctuation in someone else's novel. But then we can carry that knowledge back to our own manuscript.

I thought I'd share a few things that I had NO IDEA I was doing. (Thanks to  for these)

1. Reexamine all of your passive verbs - 'I was, she was, he was' - and try to eliminate a few if possible.

2. Do a search for words you overuse. Such as (these were many of mine)...
 - was
 - were
 - tried
 - being
 - felt
 - seemed
 - began
 - still
 - just
 - like
 - glance
 - made
 - look/looked
 - could
 - sounded

3. I'm a HUGE fan of the metaphor... but I don't need to stuff them down the readers throat. Too many can be distracting

4. Try to make sure your characters all sound different. A reader should be able to tell who's talking (most of the time) without the author having to mention their name.

5. Song titles should be placed in double quotes; "Jingle Bells" (When they're not in dialog, that is.)

6. TV Show, Album and Movie titles should be in italic; Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Only one more week people)

Of course, there is so much more, but it's a good place to start.

Once again, I'd like to thank  ,   and   (Jeannine Garsee) for taking their valuable time to help me with this book.

I honesty expected all of them, after reading it, to look like this...

Thankful Thursday

I was thinking. Yeah, it wasn't pleasant, but I needed to start doing that again. While I was thinking, I recalled a moment from high school. A cool moment.

My 'Reading' teacher, Mr. Harvey (originator of the walrus mustache), assigned a book to the class. Required reading. Yeah, we all know what that means... something boring and bad. But since I had to write a report about the book, I thought I should read it.

And I did. Fast. I loved the book. Amazing.



Though I read that book over 25 years ago, I still remember so much about it. Probably because I was so shocked that I loved it so much. I still wonder if the girl found a safe place to live.

It just goes to show, you can't judge a book by who forcing you to read it.

Can you think of a book you were forced to read... and were pleasantly surprised by how much you enjoyed it?

My New Idol and My Halloween Costume

Stephen King will always be the man who inspired me to write. He'll always be one of my favorite authors. I'll always buy his books. But...

My New Idol:

Neil Gaiman has slid into my TOP IDOL slot.  The reason, for the most part, is that Neil really makes himself accessible. He's everything I'd want to be as an author. (Though, I think Amanda Palmer is a huge talent and incredibly attractive, I don't think she's my type.)

Between his blogs, Tweets, appearances and general concern for the publishing industry as a whole, Neil continues to surprise me with his time, generousity and attention. There are readers who don't like Neil's books, but I don't think I've heard anyone say anything negative about the writer (though I'm sure they do exist).

If I could ask Neil to change or do one thing differently... it would be to write faster. The time I have to wait between books is way too long. But, considering how good the words turn out to be, I guess I can be patient.

This post was inspired by Neil's appearance on the Arthur cartoon. Here...

http://pbskids.org/video/?pid=_n415FcdTUEm4MW2soUeNaembcKZghPf&category=Arthur

If you have or know a child who wants to be a writer... I suggest you let them watch this. If you have or know an adult who wants to be a writer... I suggest you let them watch this. If YOU are a writer... I suggest you watch this.

My Halloween Costume:

This costume is inexpensive, easy to put on, easy to take off and 100% recyclable. How can you beat that?

Two Question Tuesday

While I sit and debate my next move in this Publishing Game, I was thinking about something. Two things, actually... Books and Pie.

Question 1.) If a new writer approached you and asked: "What one book would you suggest I read to really grasp what writing a great work of fiction is all about?"  -  Which book would you recommend?

Question 2.) What is your favorite kind of pie?


My answers:

Question 1.) Harry Potter and the Scorcerer's Stone (YA) or The Firm (Adult)

Question 2.) Peanut Butter

Tightening Up Your Manuscript

I've been doing some heavy editting, as well as some heavy reading. I shouldn't have printed my manuscript out on 20 pound paper. But I digest. *burp* Excuse me.

While I was revising, I discovered something... and it's really helped in pruning my novel. It concerns emotions in the form of facial expressions. This is something I over use SO much. But in the books I've been reading, facial expressions that portray emotion are toned way down. Instead, different story elements are used to get that emotion to the reader.

Examples:

1.) Instead of something like: 'Her honest eyes made it seem as though she believed me, but her runny nose gave away the truth', you could get this across with dialogue, maybe this girl stutters when she lies. Or with action, like when she blows her nose, everyone knows she's not telling the truth.

2.) Or instead of 'His facial expression morphed into anger', try some action; 'He clenched his jaw so tight it caused tobacco to dribble down his chin. Using a stiff finger, he slathered the lumpy brown goop back into his mouth and spat it on me'.

3.) Or instead of 'When she took his popcorn, she noticed his eyes go wide'. How about some dialogue: 'Gimme my popcorn, Grandma! You old bag!"

But remember, sometimes you HAVE to go into your character's head in order to get his/her's emotion across to the reader. Why? Because some charcters don't show emotion. Need an example? Okay.

Let's say your protag is an elderly Scotsman who spends his days standing along the side of the road, smoking homemade cigarettes. The guy keeps everything inside, bottled up tight. His expression NEVER changes. Even if a car came careening right at him, he still wouldn't show his feelings.

What? You think a protag like that is unrealistic? Whatever!





But back to the topic of character emotions, there are only so many ways to get feelings across by describing facial expressions and eye movements. And isn't that sort of like TELLING the reader instead of SHOWING the reader anyway?

So after you finish that first or second draft, go through the book specifically looking for these types of descriptions and see if you can eliminate a few, replace them with action, dialogue or something else. It will make your book read faster by getting rid of these reduntant elements.

The Great Library Giveaway

If you know of a school library desperately in need of some great Midde Grade books, click the link below to nominate them for THE GREAT LIBRARY GIVEAWAY brought to you by the folks at From The Mixed-Up Files .

http://www.fromthemixedupfiles.com/2010/10/the-great-library-giveaway/

You can find all of the details there, but below is a blurb about the giveaway.

On the GREAT LIBRARY GIVEAWAY post (linked above) simply add a comment with the name of the library you’d like to see us ship these books to. Only one nomination per person, please.  However, you may earn up to three additional entries for either the same library or a different one by tweeting/blogging/facebooking this giveaway.  For additional entries to count, each must be in a separate comment with the link and the name of the library listed.

Here is a list of the books we've collected so far.

Hardcovers (37 total)

The 39 Clues Book 8: The Emperor’s Code by Gordan Korman

Any Which Wall by Laurel Snyder

As Simple as It Seems by Sarah Weeks

The Beef Princess of Practical County by Michelle Houts

The Big One-Oh by Dean Pitchford

Elijah of Buxton by Christopher Paul Curtis

Escape Under the Forever Sky by Eve Yohalem

The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate by Jacqueline Kelly

The Fabled Fourth Graders of Aesop Elementary School by Candace Fleming

The Fantastic Secret of Owen Jester by Barbara O’Connor

The Girl Who Could Fly by Victoria Forester

The Healing Spell by Kimberley Griffiths Little

How I, Nicky Flynn, Finally Get a Life (and a Dog) by Art Corriveau

I So Don’t Do Makeup by Barrie Summy

It’s Raining Cupcakes by Lisa Schroeder

Jungle Crossing by Sydney Salter

The Last Snake Runner by Kimberley Griffiths Little

The Lost Conspiracy by Frances Hardinge

lucky breaks by Susan Patron

Mallory in the Spotlight by Laurie Friedman

Nightshade City by Hilary Wagner

Noonie’s Masterpiece by Lisa Railsback

Palace Beautiful by Sarah DeFord Williams

Penny Dreadful by Laurel Snyder

The Pepins and Their Problems by Polly Horvath

Princess for Hire by Lindsey Leavitt

Red Pyramid (Book 1 in the Kane Chronicles) by Rick Riordan

Scones and Sensibility by Lindsay Eland

Soar, Elinor! by Tami Lewis Brown

The Summer of Moonlight Secrets by Danette Haworth

Tortilla Sun by Jennifer Cervantes

The Total Tragedy of a Girl Named Hamlet by Erin Dionne

Touch Blue by Cynthia Lord

Under the Green Hill by Laura L. Sullivan

Violet Raines Almost Got Struck by Lightning by Danette Haworth

Warriors The New Prophecy #2: Moonrise by Erin Hunter

What Happened on Fox Street by Tricia Springstubb

Paperbacks (11 total)

The Brilliant Fall of Gianna Z. by Kate Messner

Dare To Dream!: 25 ExtraordinaryLives by Sandra McLeod Humphrey

Football Hero by Tim Green

Haven by Beverly Patt

Hot Issues, Cool Choices: Facing Bullies, Peer Pressure, Popularity, and Put-Downs by Sandra McLeod Humphrey

Hugging the Rock by Susan Taylor Brown

Karma Bites by Stacy Kramer and Valerie Thomas

 Mudville by Kurtis Scaletta

Nice and Mean by Jessica Leader

Saving Lilly by Peg Kehret

Up and Down the Scratchy Mountains by Laurel Snyder

Friday Five - Surprises!

 1. Yesterday was the final day for the local ice cream shop to be open this year. I sat at the picnic table while my wife waited for our cones. I ordered a large chocolate soft serve. Boy was surprised when she brought back this…

 

2.) I gave my brother a copy of my latest manuscript to read the other day. When I came back an hour later to see how he was enjoying it, I was surprised to find this…

 

3.) I remember, when I was a kid, I was at my grandparent's house. I couldn't find grandpa.  I asked grandma and she said, “Oh, he’s finally yanking those weeds behind the garage. I’ve been at him all summer to do it.” When I ran back there, I was surprised to find this…

 

 4.) I was peeling an orange for breakfast this morning, and lookie what I got...

 

 5.) When my buddy, Bryan Reardon  , and I were challenged to make this impossible basketball shot, we was surprised when this happened….

 

What is Your Favorite Part of the New Manuscript?

I'm starting a new book... all I have is that little nugget of an idea and a few notes scratched here and there. It's a very exciting time, beginning a new manuscript, so many creative things to do, so much freedom... it's great!

Which got the rusted gears in my mind turning. What's my favorite part of starting the new novel? Making up my own setting? Researching cool stuff? Looking for the perfect music? Buying that new notebook? Picking out a fancy pen?

How about creating creepy characters from scratch?

 (This guy's mine... don't steal him!!!)

For me, I think, my favorite part is the mapping. Drawing maps is sort of what I do for a living, so I have lots of experience in the area. But it's fun making it up, the names, the features, the contours and vegetation. Of course, none of this mapping is written in stone, I can guarantee lots of surprises will pop up. I guess I just enjoy playing God!

How about you? What's your favorite part about starting a new novel?

A Tuesday Publishing Analogy

For me, writing a really great book takes lots of practice. Practice, practice, practice. Did I mention practice? I did? Several times, you say. And now I'm losing my readers by being redundant. And I'm losing more readers by repeating my redundancy. Fine!!!

Anyway, let's compare writing a really great book to the Olympic Track and Field event... the Long Jump!!!!

To attempt the LONG JUMP:
an athelete must combine speed, strength, and agility in an attempt to leap as far from the take-off point as possible.

To write a REALLY GREAT BOOK:
a writer must combine a mastery of language, an interesting plot and memorable characters to reach the ending point.

Here's an example of someone unprepared, undeciplined and uninformed trying to write that first really great book:

Men, Boys and Books - What is the Truth?

Since I posted last Friday regarding the Publishing House that only accepts 'series for girls', I've found a few other articles and blogs on the topic of Men, Boys and Books.

Here are a few interesting takes on the topic.

Publishers Weekly-Where-The-Boys-Are-Not

Pubrants, Kristin Nelson - Publishing Is Where Boys Are Not

Huffington Post, Jason Pinter - Why-Men-Dont-Read

NPR - Why Women Read More Than Men

So, basically, these all state that... 

1.) There are more women working in publishing than men. Approximately 75% women to 25% men. (I have no issues with this at all.)

But some people are stating that generates more books for women which leads to...

2.). Women read more than men.

In his Huffington Post article, Jason Pinter states: Men read. Tons of them do. But they are not marketed to, not targeted, and often totally dismissed. Later on he says: Publish more books for men and boys. Trust editors who try to buy these books, and work on the marketing campaigns to hit those audiences. The readers are there, waiting, eager just under the surface. And I promise, if publishing makes an effort to tap it, they'll come out in droves.

I bolded that piece of text because that would surely help me in my quest for publication. Yeah... the bottomline is it's all about ME!!!

However, Ian McEwan wrote in The Guardian newspaper: "When women stop reading, the novel will be dead."

And, as a male author who writes YA fiction geared toward boys, this next statistic frightens me: When it comes to fiction, the gender gap is at its widest. Men account for only 20 percent of the fiction market, according to surveys conducted in the U.S., Canada and Britain.

In the NPR article linked to above, there's a theory that men/boys can sit still long enough to read a book. I hope that's not true. Look at movies. I would suspect that just as many men/boys go to the movies as women. And they both can sit still the whole time. But think about this, and it's just my observation, there's an age where movies become gender specific. Look at the movies rated 'G'. Toy Story, Monsters Incorporated, the Disney movies, or movies like Cats and Dogs... these movies are almost unisex. 

Now, look at movies rated PG-13, you have Meangirls and Transformers, or (and these are 'now showing') Easy A and Devil. I'm not saying that women didn't go to Transformers or Devil, but I'm guessing not many men went to Meangirls or Easy A.

Do  today's bookshelves reflect the same choices for both genders?

So all of that to ask the question:

 

What Would It Take To Get More Boys To Read?

More books to choose from
More non-fiction and sports books
More male authors
Books with cars, blood and hot girls
Books with wild/inappropriate characters
More humorous books
Books without the 'Happily Ever After'
Books with non-stop action
Dumb-downed books
Intelligent books that reflect the real life of boys
Other (see my reply)
 

 

Motivational Monday

I always enjoy those funny Motivational Posters. So I thought I’d try to make up a few of my own. Just for gits and shiggles.
The first two go together, sort of a two-fer.


 

DEATH – At least things can’t get any worse

  
ZOMBIES – Never trust a DEATH motivational poster

 
BALLS – It's hard to see without a pair
 
BALLS – They’re attracted to their own kind
 
WAITING – It’s just like… hold on a second, I’ll be right back

The Publishing Industry Made Me Cry

So I find myself at the bookstore a lot. And I'll walk up to myself and say, "Hey! Why aren't you at home?" Then I watch myself run into a bathroom stall and hide.
 
While I wait for myself to come back out, I'm always picking up books, smelling them, snuggling them, kissing them (no tongue). Once the book is satisfied, I'll look at its spine and note the publishing house. Then I'll dive inside for the acknowledgment page searching for an editor's name.

I've actually started a spreadsheet listing editors, including their tastes, their love of eyeballs and the books they've published recently. I don't do this so I can throw out names to Mr. McVeigh, he's the brains of the industry, I do it so when we talk about editors I don't sound like Oscar the Grouch after a finding a half bottle of ripple in his trash can.

With my book on submission (CRUD - A Love Story) being a humorous YA parahomance, I'm always on the look out for something similiar so I can note the publishing house. Maybe they'd like CRUD. It's possible!

I pick up this book the other day, read the cover blurb and think, "Hey! This is a paranormal. This is humorous. This has romance. This is the perfect publishing house for CRUD. The book I'm referring to is


  MONSTER HIGH by Lisi Harrison. Published by POPPY, an imprint of The Hachette Book Group

Excited, I note the information and run out of the store (forgetting all about myself in the bathroom stall). At my computer, I bring up the Internet, search for POPPY... and my heart not only sinks, it's gobbled up by bottom feeders.

LOOK!!!



Poppy publishes paperback original series for teen girls. We have launched several bestselling series, including the national bestselling series Gossip Girl and The It Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar, The Clique by Lisi Harrison, and The A-List by Zoey Dean.

They only publish for teen girls!!!! My reaction?

 No, I'm not wearing pants.

From my research, I don't see any imprints for teen boy books. If you know of one, please tell me.

Thankful Thursday - Random Edition

1.) I'm THANKFUL that they don't make anymore of those Airplane/Naked Gun movies. I mean, I loved those films, but I can pretty much guarantee they'd use this bit if they were making a new one.

A group of important government officials are gathered around a conference table. Something horribly wrong is taking place in world. The President of the United States struts into the room. Everyone stands, waiting to be brought up to speed.

The President says, "Okay, people. Here's the situation." He points to the door and this guy strolls into the room.




2. I'm THANKFUL that a few good friends will take up their valuable free time to read a manuscript that just might suck. So THANK YOU (you know who you are).

3. I'm THANKFUL I was never this stupid.



4. I'm THANKFUL for books that my daughter and I are both totally enjoying.

 PARANORMALCY by Kiersten White

 TWELFTH GRADE KILLS by Heather Brewer

5. I'm THANKFUL that I finally finished filling out the list our Marriage Counselor assigned as homework.

Posted Over at The Mixed-Up Files

Today, my second post is up over at From The Mixed-Up Files

http://www.fromthemixedupfiles.com/2010/09/the-line-is-blurry/

I'm discussing the blurry line between MG and YA, as well as great MG books like Me and the Pumpkin Queen by Marlane Kennedy.



Plus, if you leave a comment, you could win an signed copy of Dean Lorey’s Nightmare Academy 3: Monster War.

Friday Five Without a Theme

1.) I found out something yesterday that DISGUSTED me!!! But I'm told that plenty of people do this. So let's find out!


2.) I'm fired up for   this year. Starting brand new story. YA SciFi/Horror called THE BROOD. I hope it's the next book I finish, but I'll know more after the first 30 pages. I do have a backup MG idea if this one putters out.

It's funny how we always feel the LOVE for the new idea... but is it the kind of LOVE that can sustain us for a year of writing/revising.

3.) No! No! No! This is NOT a proper use for the wonderful Eyeball!



4. Eveyone has a favorite drink. A drink that just oozes refreshment. For me that drink is FUZE 'Banana Colada'. Put it in the freezer for about an hour, then sip away. Mm, mm.

5. Did I ever tell you guys about my Karate skills? No? Well... I never actually took any classes, but that summer, I think I was about 8 or 9, that my parents decided they wanted to tour the country in a piece of crap RV, I began to practice that ancient martial art. And I took to it like white to a charcoal briquette.

Once I felt confident in my skills, I wanted to showcase them. When the RV broke down for the sixth time that day, I bravely stepped outside and began my first public display.