Guess Who This Is?

It's time to play... Guess Who This is!!!

FIFTY IMAGINARY DOLLARS to the winner!!!!

Maybe it's wrong... but this makes me SO HAPPY!

Shocker: Snooki Book Not A Shore Thing in Sales

Wait, the typical fan of Snooki isn't a fan of books? Color NewsFeed surprised.

Since its release on Jan. 4, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi's novel A Shore Thing has only sold 8,998 copies. This comes after a promotional blitz, where the pint-sized guidette was on every talk show known to man. Why didn't Snooki move copies? One publishing exec told The Hollywood Reporter, “The book didn't do as well as it could have because rather than a tell-all, it was disguised as a novel

Read more: http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/01/29/for-weekend-shocker-snooki-book-not-ia-shore-thingi-in-sales/#ixzz1E334JIXl

It's not all doom and gloom

Somedays it feels like the world is spinning at about 17,000 mph and the days are filled with publishing doom and gloom. But I saw this article and it made my day a little brighter. Not crazy bright, more like a lit match on the dark side of the moon. But brighter none-the-less.

Book Sales Near All-Time Highs: Americans bought 751,729,000 books in 2010, that's many millions more books sold than in any other year. 

There Are More Original Book Titles: "In 2008, there were more original book titles published in print than ever before: 289,729 different titles in the U.S. alone." 

And More Publishers Themselves: "In 2007, there were more U.S. publishers than ever before: 74,240 (that's compared with 397 in 1925). This figure has been rising every year since the data has been collected." 

And More Authors: "In 2005, there were more published authors in the U.S. than ever before: 185,275 (compared, for example, with eighty-two in 1850)."

Revenue Is Around Record Heights: "In 2008, the last year complete numbers are available, overall revenue from book sales in the U.S. was at $24.255 billion, down just a tick from $24.959 billion in 2007, the all-time high."  

Literacy, As Well: "Adult literacy in the U.S. is also at an all-time high: 242,895,000 adults (98 percent of the adult population) were considered literate in 2010."

Don't Forget About Libraries: "Library membership in the U.S. is at an all-time high: 208,904,000 Americans held library cards in 2009.

Leon Lipton Returns (An Interview with Karen Mahoney)

For anyone living under a rock (with Patrick Star), the month of January - 2011 will be remembered for the release of The Iron Witch, the debut novel by Karen Mahoney ( ). She agreed to be interviewed on this blog, but only if talk show host and all around repulsive guy Leon Lipton were to return. And he has... and this is his story back to glory.

Oh! And simply leave a comment to win a copy of The Iron Witch!

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                 A man lies in the gutter outside of a fast food joint. Dirty, wet and wearing white polyester. He notices a worm squirming itself from a crumpled coffee cup. The man’s stomach rumbles as though he’s starving. Coincidentally he is. He plucks up the worm, pinched between his thumb and index finger, and struggles into a sitting position. People stare - he welcomes their looks of disgust. An audience, no matter their reaction, is all he's ever wanted.

                 He tips his head to the steel gray sky, dangling the worm over his open mouth. 
 

“Look, mummy!” a little boy points. “He’s gonna eat that worm! I have to save it!” 

                “Billy!” Mum scolds. “Don’t be a hero.” She ushers the child into Taco Jockos. 

From the open door of the fast food restaurant, the smell of 31% real beef oozes out. The man is enticed. But with no money, no job and no cream for his genital warts, he can only enjoy the stench. Things could have been different for him… had people not refused to appear on his talk show. 

No sense dwelling on history when a juicy worm is ready to be ingested. He just hopes the tape worm living in his stomach enjoys it too.

“Hey!” a male voice calls. It sounds familiar in a ‘commonly or generally known or seen’ kind of way. “Leon! Leon Lipton!” The voice continues to beacon. “It’s me. Your producer.” 

Leon must decide between the worm and his producer. Both are vile and gelatinous, but only one will satisfy him internally.

“Leon!" his producer goes on. "We finally have a sucker… er, I mean a guest. Your show's been renewed!” 

Standing, Leon drops the worm… and steps on it as he walks away. Leon Lipton, ¼ brother to Inside the Actor’s Studio host, James Lipton, is back baby! 

***an hour later***

 Fresh from a sauna, Leon sits on the stool. And he giggles when he thinks of the word ‘stool’. He’s ready for the first broadcast of Inside the Author’s Tableau.

 “Leon?” his producer speaks over the speakers. “She’s on her way in.”

 The clickity-clack of high heals echoes through the rafters... his guest approacheth. Karen Mahoney, author of the just released The Iron Witch, strides toward her stool. Leon lurches up to greet her with open arms. Karen grimaces and ducks away. Leon gives chase. Karen zigzags around the sweat puddles, easily avoiding his grasp.

Leon leans on a wall, huffing. Karen daintily takes her seat. Leon eventually gets his fanny perpendicular perched back on his stool.

 “You’re on!” the producer announces. The red light above the camera lights up and Leon is finally home.

Leon clears his throat. “Hello, Kathy.”

 “It’s Karen,” Karen snaps. She’s dressed to the eights, wearing an aqua V-neck sweater, orange feather boa and pink tweed skirt. “Can I call my agent? I don’t think I’m in the right place. Where’s James Lipton?”

 Leon recoils. How dare she mention that name! Bile rises in his throat. After swishing it around in his mouth, he swallows it back down. He won’t lose control this time.

 “Let’s get to it.” Leon scoots off his stool; his polyester pants make a phrrrrt sound against the vinyl. Leon eyes Karen suspiciously. He takes the microphone from the stand and begins to pace. “Have I ever told you about my humble beginnings, Kathy? I was born sideways…”

 The overhead speaker clicks and the producer says, “She’s leaving.”

 “Wait!” Leon falls to his knees with a crack. “Please! Can you at least answer the questionnaire created by the French mime Marcel Marceau?”

 Karen stares down at Leon, her eyes soften into white gooey orbs. “This better be quick.”

 1. What is your favorite 8 letter word?

 All my favorite words have 7 letters. (Awesome. Totally.)

 2. What is your least favorite word?

 Eyeball. *shudders*

 3. What is your favorite curse word that you can say in front of your mum?

 Bugger. (That’s a totally ‘okay’ curse word in the UK.)

 4. If superman was so smart why were his underpants on the outside?

 Because he was a fashion trendsetter. Lady Gaga always wears her underpants on the outside - who came first? Supes or Gaga? I think you'll find it was our Boy in Blue (and red).

 5. What sound or noise do you love so much you’d marry it?

 The sound of coffee brewing.

 6. What sound or noise do you hate so much you’d marry it?

 Knuckles being cracked. Ugh.

 7. Eliminating the guillotine as choice, how would you like to die?

 I can't answer this as I am hoping to cheat death. I’m going to become a vampire before I turn 40.

 8. Without using coordinates, where is your present state of mind?

 Probably somewhere in your garage. (Wow, it’s dusty in here!)

 9. Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

 I don’t wear it, so I wouldn’t know.

 10. If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean the fifth person enjoys it?

 I… don’t know what to say to this.

 11. Why do toasters have a setting which burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

 Because the universe is a very cruel place.

 12. In centimeters, what do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

 You didn’t tell me that there’d be math in this interview… Dammit, Jim, I’m a writer not a mathematician!

 13. What quality do you most admire in a man missing both of his index fingers and his right pinky?

 The ability to make a meaningful life for himself?

 14. If Heaven exists, and by some miracle you make it there, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

 Hmm… It would have to be a miracle. But okay, let’s go with it. If I DO get there, I’d want God to tell me that my room has an in-suite bathroom and a Kindle.

 15. Trademark question: What if the hokey pokey really is what it’s all about?

 I wouldn’t be surprised. At all.

THE END (or is it?)

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Thanks to Karen for playing along and for writing an incredible book. I read The Iron Witch awhile ago and just loved it. Go pick it up if you want a great read!!!

Remember... I'm giving away a copy. Leave a comment and you could win!